The Worst Things to Say (and Why They Backfire)
Mel Robbins highlights several phrases that, despite good intentions, often do more harm than good. These include:
- "Everything happens for a reason."
While this phrase is meant to offer perspective, it can come across as dismissive. It implies that the pain or suffering is somehow justified, which can invalidate the person’s feelings. - "At least it’s not worse."
This minimizes the person’s experience and suggests their pain isn’t significant enough to warrant distress. - "I know how you feel."
Even if you’ve been through something similar, everyone’s experience is unique. This phrase can make the person feel unheard or misunderstood. - "You’ll get over it."
This dismisses the emotional impact of the situation and pressures the person to move on before they’re ready. - "God only gives you what you can handle."
While this may be comforting to some, it can feel like a platitude to others, especially if they’re struggling to cope.
Why These Phrases Miss the Mark
These common responses often focus on fixing the problem or offering a silver lining. However, as Robbins explains, this approach can make the person feel invalidated. What they need is empathy, not solutions or clichés.
What to Say Instead
Mel Robbins suggests shifting your focus to empathy and validation. Here are some alternatives to the phrases above:
- "I’m so sorry you’re going through this."
This simple acknowledgment shows you care without trying to fix the situation. - "That sounds incredibly hard. How are you holding up?"
This invites the person to share their feelings and lets them know you’re there to listen. - "I’m here for you, no matter what."
Offering your presence and support can be more comforting than any words of advice. - "I don’t know what to say, but I’m so glad you told me."
This honest response acknowledges the gravity of the situation without pretending to have all the answers. - "What can I do to support you right now?"
This empowers the person to ask for what they need, whether it’s practical help or emotional support.
The Power of Listening
Robbins emphasizes that sometimes the best thing you can do is simply listen. Avoid the urge to interrupt or offer solutions. Instead, let the person express their feelings without judgment. Phrases like “Tell me more” or “I’m here to listen” can create a safe space for them to open up.
Why Silence Can Be Golden
It’s okay to sit in silence with someone who’s grieving or processing bad news. Your presence alone can be a powerful form of support. As Robbins points out, silence can be more comforting than words that miss the mark.
A Personal Perspective
Robbins shares that she’s been on both sides of these conversations, as both a receiver of bad news and a comforter. She acknowledges how difficult it can be to find the right words, but stresses that empathy and validation are always the right approach.
Final Thoughts
When someone you know is facing a tough situation, your words matter. By avoiding common pitfalls and focusing on empathy, you can provide the support they truly need. As Mel Robbins reminds us, it’s not about having all the answers—it’s about being there.
Watch Mel Robbins’ full video, What Not to Say When Someone Gets Bad News, for more insights and personal anecdotes. Her advice is a game-changer for anyone looking to offer meaningful support during difficult times.
By following these guidelines, you can ensure your words bring comfort, not distress, to those who need it most.
Wait! There's more...check out our gripping short story that continues the journey: The Emerald Glow
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